Mark Agnew
Kayaking the Northwest Passage is about more than just the outcome. Photo: West Hansen
What's the difference between pride and contentment after 103 days in the Arctic
It feels like years since I was hunkered down in a gale, wind lashing at our tent, debating tomorrow's kayaking plan with my teammates.
In fact, it was just three weeks ago that I was in the Arctic, cut off from civilisations.
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Friends and family keep asking me, 'What's it like being back?' and 'Are you having trouble adjusting?'
The simple answer is no.
The other question I get is 'can you feel your feet yet' - generally yes, but I have to wear socks the entire time or the feeling goes quickly. The doctor says it will take a few months before they are normal again.
Feet aside, I did not expect to re-adjust so easily. I thought I'd come back and immediately start longing for the simplicity of our Arctic lifestyle. Instead, I slipped straight back into normal life - I'm enjoying the warmth, loving parenting again, getting a buzz out delivering talks and getting annoyed at trivial things like slow Wi-Fi.
Life has become normal again very quickly.
Immersed in nature when we were stuck in the ice.
I think there is a specific reason I have found re-entry so easy:
I am content.
I differentiate between pride and contentment.
Of course I am proud. What we achieved was epic. It was so tough. Adventurers have been attempting this world first for years and we managed it.
If I was just proud but not content I would probably have an itch that still needs scratching.
Pride comes from the outcome, contentment comes from the experience.
I achieved contentment by diversifying my motivations - I moved away from only focusing on achieving a world first. Instead, I clearly articulated to myself a number of intrinsic goals too.
Sharing the experience with my teammates was an intrinsic goal.
I wanted the world first (extrinsic), an immersive experience in nature (intrinsic) and to build camaraderie with my teammates (intrinsic).
The first one makes me proud, the latter two bring me contentment, which in turn makes it easy to re-settle into my life, happy that I got everything I was looking for from this adventure.
I had an experience like no other and I shared it with my teammates, particularly with Eileen Visser who I paddled a tandem kayak with for 103 days. The records will fade but these experiences and bonds will last for life, and that is what brings me contentment.
Whenever I give talks I always emphasize the importance of having a range of motivations - intrinsic drivers free us to enjoy the journey and not just the outcome by refocusing our attention to the here and now.
Without them, we are impotent to judge success on our own terms and leave all of our enjoyment hinged on a single outcome.
I am so utterly content.